tomorrow will be the last day of my internship. i will be heading back to my sweet home tomorrow night. i have been waiting for this moment for very long time. i happily went for shopping in past few weeks to buy something that i can bring back. i bought 3 clothes for the kids and a birthday present for my friend.

i am happy that i can go home before the term starts. else i will only go back in december, which is the end of next semester. another 4 months to go...no, i can't and i don't want too...i miss the kids and my mom's dishes so much. i want to go home >.<

on the other hand, i feel sad that i am leaving this company soon. the people here are all so good and treated me so well. i like the feeling to be treated like a little girl and everyone dotes so much for me coz i am the youngest in that company. everyone is just like my brothers and sisters. One of my colleague, Selina, who is an admin staff, really make me touched so deeply. she bought apple biscuits from somewhere and kept it specially for me. she nicely packed it and when i back to the HQ today, she happily gave that to me, saying that that is the present for me. the biscuits really taste very nice and i haven't tried that before. i didn't expect to have this present and i really appreciate it. thanks so much, Selina.

i guess i really don't like the moment to bid farewell. after spending 3 months time together and it is time to say goodbye...and the atmosphere will become so tense suddenly. it makes me want to cry every time i face this kind of situation. people keep asking me why i want to leave early, and it is really hard for me to answer every time. i want to go...as i want to go home...i also want to stay...as i will be missing everyone so much.

i used to think deeply recently and i even missed the stop while i was thinking something one day. my mind can't think of too complicated thing and i am easily confused. so i shouldn't think so much anymore. i am going back home tomorrow and i should be very happy.. my hair loss problem is getting more serious recently, which i don't know why...sigh...=(

一直以来
不想承认自己受了伤害
是因为坚信自己没有看错人
相信一切不会就这样结束

既然你已经放弃了
我没有理由再坚持下去
既然这才是你要的
我没有理由不让你去

我不晓得
是什么力量
让我坚持到现在
但这力量
在这一刻
这一秒
我把它灭了

有句话
说得蛮有道理
“找不到会疼你的人
也不要找一个会伤害你的人
不要珍惜不懂得珍惜你的人”

我心里
没有泪
没有恨
就让一切
随风而逝

一部很搞笑的三国演义作品。

帅帅的诸葛亮 ~ 金城武！

It has been about 8 weeks of my internship. Another 4 more weeks and it will be the time to say goodbye.

What I can say about my internship is it wasn't as good as what I have expected. It wasn't fruitful so far. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time. I mean, although I have thing to do... and the people there are treating me very good, somehow I feel like perhaps it would be better if I found some other thing else to do...something different...but I am not sure what the thing is...traveling perhaps? take special term and clear some modules perhaps? I don't know...

For the past 8 weeks, I have been doing documentation which I have to download the documents from the online filing system, namely Aconex. This is something new to me as I have to familiarize myself with the system and my role is to create a file directory for the Project Managers so that it is more convenient for them to search for drawings and documents. It is perfectly fine for me with this task...the only thing that I feel uncomfortable is I can hardly see them read the drawings. Sometimes I wonder what is the point of asking me to download if they won't be seeing it in the first place? So, this is what I meant with wasting my time... :(

There are some fun parts, for sure. The task that I deem to be challenging so far was tracking of cash flow projection and the cost and budget allocation for each packages in the project. Through this task, I learned how a cash flow projection is being done in actual case. It is totally different with the method that we learn in school where most of the time we are given all the information like the percentage of cost is needed in each stage of construction, and the cost needed is then worked out from the total project cost. While in real case, cash flow is projected base on S-curve. Project Manager has to manage in such a way that there will be enough money to be used in each stage and the overall expenses is kept within the budget. And I tried to make it as "S" as I could, but it was really hard. My supervisor said that it was a good try. :) I relieved, knowing that it was not perfect though... :P

I had a chance to go down to the site with the Resident Engineer to see piling works of conservatories this morning. I got this chance, finally, after procrastinating for weeks. The RE is very experienced and he taught me a lot. I had a chance to see how test pile and boring works are being done. There are many types of piling such as bored pile and driven pile. Many kinds of test pile will be done to make sure that the pile has enough capacity to carry the design load. The static load test was on-going on site and the work was really massive. Hundreds of rock blocks were loaded onto a single pile and the rocks were sitting on a huge metal platform. They were just finished testing and were unloading the rocks from the platform. It was really exciting to see the busy on-going construction at site as everyone was busy and rushing here and there, the supervisor giving command to the workers, the excavators digging the earth, etc... A good experience to understand how the site works. =)

Another person asked me the question that I have been answering for 1001 times. The RE asked me on our way back to the office : Why did you choose Civil Engineering? I think many people are wondering why a girl like me will choose this tough job as my first choice rather than other job else like banking or accounting, which suit girls more. My standard answer will always be "Interested lor... :P". In fact, I am still not sure whether my choice is right or wrong and I ever thought of changing my course once before...but now I think my interest in this field has grown if compared to before and I guess exposure has given me a greater feel for this career. Right now what I hope is that it will not be too late for me to graduate in 2 years to come. The industry is now in booming period and lots of projects are coming up. I hope I will be able to catch the boat on time and sail on my big ship. Hahahahah :D

忽然间，觉得自己的知识很有限。
忽然间，觉得身边的人都很聪明。
忽然间，觉得自己很微不足道。

忽然间，不知道自己要的是什么。
忽然间，不知道自己正在做的是什么。
忽然间，发现是时候规划自己的未来。

忽然间，觉得自己是井底之蛙。
忽然间，想出国留学走走。
忽然间，好想改变现在的生活。

忽然间，不想独自一个人。

忽然间，发觉文字有限，写不下去了。：（